I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I AM VODKA MAN
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
