dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
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i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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