It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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