I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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