I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize