Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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