I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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