My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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