He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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