i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
