Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
