my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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