chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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