Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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