In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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