what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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