Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
