I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
