He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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