i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
