Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
