You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
