I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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