i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
