Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize