these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
