Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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