ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
