Where are you?
In a non slutty way
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
