How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize