do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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