omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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