dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
