Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
