I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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