Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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