Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
