I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
