if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
