YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
