and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
one might say we're banned from that church
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
