Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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