I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
