She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
