they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize