At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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