Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
