I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
