We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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