Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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