RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
