She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sorry about my life...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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