I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
