I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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