I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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