I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
