That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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