I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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