she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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