Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
