I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
