there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
