I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
