I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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