Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
